last staff meeting

the Jackson Room. a distant, fourth-floor meeting space in the deepest reaches of Building 38.

I see the Excel spreadsheet before me, a mass of numbers upon numbers indiscernible to the naked eye unless observed diligently within several centimeters.

I see absences, recovered recitations, late arrivals.

I see special cases from Student Support Services.

this time of the year can be rough for all of us. I’m blessed to have some time off this week, but I’m fully aware that this is probably a trough in my sinusoidal wave. MIT isn’t trivial, and this last staff meeting served as a brutal reminder of that.

having never relied on Mental Health or Student Support Services these three years, I think I’m extremely blessed to have the fortitude and determination that I do. partly attributed to my nurture, mostly attributed to my nature. the fact that so many cases occur that we, as staff, have to deliberate for minutes for each student makes it clear that I’m not the norm.

I hope that I can be the norm. it’s wishful thinking. it’s foolish faith. but it’s a feeling that those like me share for the MIT community.

nobody should have to jump. nobody should have to cry over numbers. nobody should have to worry about a condition that takes them out of the running for a presentation that yields 15% of their final grade that they absolutely cannot make.

as both an objective staff member and an emotional human being, I’m at a crossroads.

on to the next semester. on to more students. on to more grading.