I saw a man today rowing against the current of the Charles. he was maybe a few dozen meters away from the rock on which I sat. he didn’t look unsettled at all by the heavy wind, by the waves hitting his boat with every passing second. his eyes were focused on the sunset in the distance, that ever-far sunset none of us can touch.

I don’t think he was even aware that he was going against the current.

and maybe that’s all of us. how do we know what direction we’re going in when we’re oblivious to so much around us? the cars passing by my window at night have become white noise after three years, but maybe I should be listening to them. what if the noises passing by periodically at night are some Morse code that’s God’s way of communicating with me in this world where people expect to see something tangible?

I don’t know. there’s a lot of white noise every day.

we, as humans, seek self-preservation, survival. if it means walking through the Infinite oblivious to the little details, the little marks in people’s demeanors and gaits—as long as we make it through our own difficulties, other things shouldn’t matter. except family, as per the implicit human desire to maintain those close to us.

it shouldn’t be that way. kind of like… I don’t know, but maybe a firehose is the right example. maybe I’m interpreting drinking from the firehose too literally. maybe the ears, the nostrils, the microscopic pores on our bodies are sufficient conduits for drinking as well. it’s already a lot to deal with this literal firehose of work and stress and sadness and spontaneities, but maybe we can use the rest of us to take on even more. we can try to decode all this white noise and become more aware of what’s around us. perhaps that’d enlighten us as to what the hell is going on, if there even is anything going on. does that make sense?

the lone girl standing by the Koch Cancer Institute, almost in tears, responding I’m good unconvincingly when I ask her if she’s okay as I pass by on my bike. maybe she’s not okay.

the little bursts of joy that last milliseconds when I learn new things in biology. maybe they’re reminders of a life that could’ve been, that could still be.

the way my friends look at me in the eye when I converse with them. maybe I’m engaging them, they’re piqued, and they trust me enough to listen to what I have to say.

the barber grimacing ever so slightly as his gray-haired client gossips with him about his company employees having sex behind his back. maybe the barber’s not having it today, and these lewd things don’t interest him.

the sun coming out of the clouds and shining on a student sitting on Killian Court. maybe at that precise moment, this student's mind was filled with negative thoughts, and God reminded them to look at the positives too.

lots of white noise.

are we meant to follow the current? I think the current might be harmony between us and the noise in our lives.

we’re going against it. we should go with it and listen to the sounds.

lots of maybes here, but maybe lots of certainty as well.

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